The straw that broke the camel's back. . .

Having this far escaped the stereotypical side effects of chemotherapy and radiation, today's radiation treatment was apparantly "the one."  I was just eating dinner around 7pm this evening and when I scratched my head, I noticed hair fell out.  Before long, I noticed it was coming out in clumps :-(  As positive as I've been throughout this entire experience thus far, this has to be the worst for me.  I'm not sure why.  I'm only 30 years old and God knows my hair was already thinning.  I think perhaps on some level its about control--the loss of control.  For the first time in this entire process, tonight I FEEL like a cancer patient.  Tonight, I feel like I've lost ownership of my own body and that really frustrates me and angers me.  Tomorrow, I'm certain I will wake up with a positive outlook on life and a spring in my step as I have during the past 16 days of treatment.  But not tonight.  Tonight I will allow myself the chance to grieve for the loss of my hair.